If you can't achieve the look yourself….I've failed at my job
I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned this before, but I have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). So you knew this blog would swing back to being about me at some point or other? This weekend my ADD was particularly bad. The sleep wasn’t happening, the ‘to do’ lists were overwhelming and I was feeling pretty cranky. Since most of my school years were spent overseas and usually only the ADHD people seem to get noticed, I didn’t get a diagnosis of until 2007. ADD wasn’t reported on in adults until the early 1990’s and my post secondary education would have been so much nicer with that little insight, but I graduated in 1991, actually all my schooling would have been much more pleasant knowing why I always seem daydream in class and couldn’t focus on studying. ADD is difficult to diagnose because there are such a wide range of symptoms, the girls are even different from the boys.
So with myself, too much stimulation (large groups of people) or not enough down time to process afterwards in the evenings can make me very irritable and foggy. It becomes harder to fall asleep and even harder to wake up. Even as a child my slighter older sister couldn’t even get me up on Christmas day. This deep sleep, once I’ve managed to get to sleep, is very troublesome as an adult with a job, I have two alarm clocks normally and I’ve gone so far as to have three and even ask ‘early bird’ friends to call me, just to make sure I’m awake when I have to wake very early. The irritableness is a little more confusing for me. I love people but they leave me a wreck. I need quiet time to ‘come down’ and usually it takes an extra three hours of sleep to repair the ‘damage’ after parties and then I just become more and more foggy and have trouble concentrating.
So I usually tell people that I’m like an Italian sports car, high performance and sporty, but with a terrible electrical system and I have to take extra care to maintain and maximize my performance. Oh, and talking to me means you have to get use to me constantly scanning the surroundings behind your head for shiny objects, people etc. It’s not you, I’m just very open to pretty things and movement. On the plus side, I’m great at problem solving and coming up with ideas.
After my diagnoses I came across this book by the late Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo, called ‘You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?’. It really helped me to start to understand myself and why I did what I did and more importantly why I don’t do things. It was the start of stopping my little inner voice from beating myself up for doing what are perfectly normal for ADD people. Oh, and it’s quite funny throughout, so for me that made it also easier to read.
Now the question remains, do I try a chemical drug to stabilize or do I just enjoy the benefits of ADD and deal the with the negatives? I just came off one set of prescriptions and I’m not so trusting in the abilities of the prescription medications and their side affects. On Sunday I remembered the mood disorder clinic out at UBC and so put it on my ‘to do’ list of ‘people to call’ in the next two weeks and see what options are available to myself or again, or again, do I just continue as is? Everybody loves Italian sports cars, even if they are tempermental. Right guys?
Before I go, I met with Teccrab this week and he really wants you to share the blog and get more readership for me, and I’m going to cut his hair next week because he’s looking like a pot dealer rather then a social media guru. So enjoy and share petals, your welcome!